Building relationship momentum

You've started the conversation. They replied. Now what?

Most founders freeze here. They either pitch too fast and kill the vibe, or they let the conversation drift into nothing.

This lesson teaches you how to build momentum systematically — moving relationships forward without forcing them.

First: Understand Where You Are

Every conversation starts somewhere on the Intent × Consent matrix we covered in Lesson 3.

Your first job is to recognize which quadrant you're in:

• High Intent + High Consent: They need what you have and want help
• High Intent + Low Consent: They have the problem but aren't asking for help
• Low Intent + High Consent: They're engaging but not expressing need
• Low Intent + Low Consent: They're just sharing thoughts in your space

This starting position determines everything that follows.

The Natural Progression Path

Relationships don't jump quadrants. They flow naturally through adjacent stages.

Here's how conversations typically evolve:

Low/Low → Low/High → High/High

Someone shares a tool they're trying (low intent, low consent) → They start asking questions about it (low intent, high consent) → They reveal it's not working and need alternatives (high intent, high consent)

Low/Low → High/Low → High/High

Someone mentions your space casually (low/low) → They share a specific frustration (high intent, low consent) → They become open to solutions (high/high)

Your job is to guide this progression naturally, not force it.

How to Build Momentum From Each Position

Starting from Low Intent + Low Consent

They mentioned something in your space. That's it. No problem expressed, no help requested.

Your move: Become a peer, not a pitcher.

Example progression:

You: "Saw you mention [Tool]. Been considering it too. What's your take so far?"

Them: "It's okay, but the reporting is pretty basic."

You: "Yeah, that's what's been holding us back. Have you found any workarounds?"

Them: "Not really. Actually becoming a real bottleneck for us..."

See what happened? You've moved them from Low/Low to High/Low in two messages. They're now expressing intent (a problem) even if they haven't asked for help yet.

Starting from Low Intent + High Consent

They're engaging openly but haven't expressed a specific need yet.

Your move: Explore their experience and find the intent.

Example progression:

You: "Loved your point about [topic] in that thread. We've been thinking about this too. What's your take on how [specific aspect] fits in?"

Them: "Thanks! Yeah, I think it's interesting but honestly haven't figured out the best approach yet. Been experimenting with a few things..."

You: "What kind of experiments? We've been testing [specific approach] but the results have been mixed"

Them: "Similar actually. The main challenge has been [specific problem]. Starting to think we need a different solution..."

You've helped them articulate a problem they didn't initially express. Moved from Low/High to High/High by exploring together.

Starting from High Intent + Low Consent

They've shared a problem but haven't asked for help.

Your move: Explore before you solve.

Example progression:

You: "That [problem] sounds brutal. What've you tried so far?"

Them: "Everything. [Tool A] was too complex, [Tool B] too expensive..."

You: "We went through the same journey. [Tool B] almost worked but killed us on the pricing too. What would the ideal solution look like for you?"

Them: "Honestly, just need something that [specific criteria]"

Now they're actively engaging about solutions. You've moved to High/High.

Starting from High Intent + High Consent

They need help and they're asking for it.

Your move: Deliver immediate value.

Don't do this:

‍"I might have something that could help. Want me to send info?"

Do this:

‍"We built [Product] for exactly this. Here's a quick Loom showing how it handles [their specific problem]: [link]

The [specific feature] part seems perfect for what you described."

When someone is High/High, they want solutions, not more steps.

The Value Delivery Principle

Here's the mindset shift that changes everything:

Stop asking permission to help.

If you genuinely have something valuable, share it. Right away. No gates. No friction.

Bad:

• "Would you like me to send you more info?"
• "Happy to share a link if you're interested"
• "No pressure, but I could show you what we built"

Good:

• "Here's exactly how we solve that: [link/resource]"
• "Made you a quick video walking through the solution: [loom]"
• "This template might help - it's what we use: [link]"

If it's truly valuable, they'll thank you. If it's not, they'll ignore it. But adding friction helps nobody.

Recognizing Momentum Signals

Watch for these signs that someone is moving up the Intent × Consent matrix:

Growing Intent:

• Questions become more specific
• They share more context about their situation
• They mention timeline or urgency
• They describe what's not working

Growing Consent:

• Response time gets faster
• Messages get longer
• They ask you questions back
• They share vulnerabilities or frustrations

When you see these signals, it's time to accelerate — deliver more value, be more direct.

Common Traps That Kill Conversations

Trap 1: Devaluing Yourself

Never say:

• "Sorry to bother you"
• "I know you're busy but..."
• "No pressure at all"
• "Feel free to ignore this"

You're not bothering them. You're having a conversation they chose to engage in.

Trap 2: Adding Unnecessary Steps

Never say:

• "Can I send you something?"
• "Would you be open to learning more?"
• "Want to hop on a quick call?"

Just share the value. Let them decide what to do with it.

Trap 3: Pitching in Low/Low

If someone casually mentions your space but shows no intent or consent, don't pitch. Build relationship first. You'll lose them instantly.

Trap 4: Being Generic

Templates kill trust. Every message should reference something specific they said. Show you're listening, not copying/pasting.

Trap 5: Forcing the Timeline

Some conversations take three messages. Some take three weeks. Pushing faster than the natural rhythm always backfires.

Special Cases: Connectors and Amplifiers

Remember: even if a connector or amplifier appears High/High, treat them as one level lower.

They get pitched constantly. Your job is to break through by being genuinely helpful, not extractive.

With connectors: Focus on shared challenges, industry insights, mutual connections. The ask comes much later.

With amplifiers: Lead with value for their audience. What would their followers find useful? Start there.

Action Steps

1. Audit your active conversations
   • Map each one to the Intent × Consent matrix
   • Identify which ones are ready to progress
2. Rewrite your templates
   • Remove all devaluing language
   • Remove all friction-adding questions
   • Make sure each delivers immediate value
3. Practice the progression
   • Pick one Low/Low conversation
   • Map out how you could naturally guide it to High/High
   • Execute patiently over the next week
4. Track momentum signals
   • Note when responses get faster/longer
   • Watch for growing specificity in their questions
   • Recognize when it's time to accelerate

Remember: every great partnership, customer, or connection started with someone taking the time to build a real relationship.

Move with intention. Deliver value freely. Let momentum be your guide.

Not every relationship will follow the same playbook. Some people are looking for tools like yours. Others just happen to be visible in your space.

Here’s a simple way to categorize who you’re talking to:

Direct Prospects

• People who might actually use your product
• These are your highest-confidence conversations
• It’s okay to be more direct (if timing and context allow)

Connectors

• People who are plugged in — they know your audience
• Often founders, community hosts, moderators, advisors
• Treat these relationships with care and a longer runway

Amplifiers

• People with reach: newsletters, large followings, podcasts
• The highest potential upside — and highest filter for noise
• Often skeptical of cold outreach unless it’s deeply relevant

🧠 Important Tip:

Don’t start your outreach journey with connectors or amplifiers.

There are fewer of them, and you rarely get a second chance.

Begin with direct prospects — build your skill, confidence, and understanding of what resonates. Then move upmarket once your messaging is sharp.

Step 4: Look for Trigger Moments

This is your moment to shine.

You’ve been showing up in the community. You’re participating. You’re visible. Now you’re watching for the right time to engage more directly.

What you’re looking for are trigger moments — little openings that signal someone might be open to conversation.

Step 5: Start With Shared Context

Your goal in the first message isn’t to pitch. It’s to make the conversation feel natural — ideally, one they’ll actually want to have.

The key is to anchor it in something recent and specific. You’re not showing up out of nowhere — you’re continuing a thread they already started.

Example DM:

“Hey Tom — just saw your post about [Tool]. We’ve been eyeing it as well. Curious how it’s been holding up. The one thing holding us back is the [X limitation] — have you found a workaround for that?”

That message does a lot of heavy lifting:

• It’s specific and timely
• It shows you’re paying attention
• It doesn’t pitch anything
• It invites a low-pressure reply
• And it makes you feel like a fellow builder — not a salesperson

That’s all you need to open the door.

Reminder: Starting a Conversation Is Adding Value

You don’t need to offer a resource or give someone advice for the exchange to be worthwhile.

Just showing up as a like-minded founder — someone working on similar problems, in the same space, who speaks their language — is inherently valuable.

Most people enjoy talking about what they’re building. They enjoy being seen. They enjoy thoughtful questions. That’s what you’re offering.

What’s Next

In the next lesson, we’ll explore how to move a conversation forward:

• How to spot when interest is growing
• When and how to make a “next step” ask
• How to avoid the common traps of friction, over-framing, or sounding apologetic

But for now, focus on:

• Spotting trigger moments
• Understanding consent and intent
• Crafting the right type of first message for each situation

Action Steps

1. Categorize your prospect list
   • Who are the direct prospects?
   • Who are the connectors and amplifiers?
   • Don’t start with the latter — save those for later.
2. Identify likely intent × consent signals
   • Review a few recent posts for each person
   • Score them: high/medium/low for intent and consent
3. Write 3 DMs using the framework
   • One for each quadrant (or based on your list)
   • Keep it relevant, light, and based in shared context

When you lead with the right tone and message for the moment, your odds of getting a reply — and building something real — go way up.

Let me know if you’d like this dropped into Notion format or want to move on to rethinking Lesson 4.